Jealous

We can’t deny that once in our lives we felt jealous of someone. Even though how loyal we are to ourselves; there are some things that can make us jealous. What really is jealousy? Jealousy doesn’t mean you’re not contented of what you have or what you are but it is something that you don’t have and you are not but you want to have or you want to be; but that is just according to people that I’ve asked. But for me, jealousy is something that can make me feel worse and loser. It makes me feel that I am that imperfect. I tried not to be jealous so that I will not feel that I am a loser. I try not to appreciate much the people so that it can’t develop jealousy. But even how careful I am not to be jealous, something can really make me feel jealous…

I can’t answer my own question. I can’t control my feelings. I don’t know why it must happen. I have no other choice but to face the truth that I am jealous, I am jealous of someone very close to my soul.

Whenever we are alone together, I feel there is contentment. But when people try to appreciate her, I feel I am under. I feel I am loser. I don’t know what to do; I don’t know what to say. I just keep quiet and bow my head. See, I’m very under.

Why do people love her because of that? Why do those people make me feel that I am not like that? They are not literally comparing but they are emotionally comparing. I feel bad and pity to myself.

Sometimes I ask my self why I am not like that. Sometimes I wonder why is she like that and why I am like this. I am jealous of her not because I want to get the people’s attention and appreciation but because I want to be loved by somebody I loved.

It’s so hard to be always like this. I can’t hide my self away from her because what I’ve said before, she is close to my soul. I’m not angry to her but the one that can make me angry is her pride. She is very proud to herself. She hates people who don’t appreciate her. She even tried to insult me. She is making me jealous!

Why is she like that? If she is just good to me and treat me that we are just fair, then I would never be jealous. If she would not make me feel jealous, then I would not be feeling this so hard.

Why do some people are like that? Why do they want someone to be jealous of them? Are they not contented of the appreciations they had? Why do they have to do this? Why do they have to hurt other’s feelings?

But don’t you know that I found someone who made me feel I’m better than her. He is Jesus. Every time I pray, I feel He is very proud of me. Every time I wish, He makes me feel that I am important. I wish there would be someone aside Him who can make me feel winner. I hope there would be somebody who could say, “ I love you because of who you really are”.